The View

I really want to guest host on The View. Enough said. I can't stand to watch women talk and I can't interrupt and put in my superior wisdom. I have a gift for interrupting people. I have two best friends with the same problem. Our conversations never end because we are never finished talking. It starts off with a comment and then branches off into at least 50 other things relavent to that subject. You have to know the background of this before you can understand that. I am the worst. I am a horrible listener. Even when my mouth is closed I am interrupting you in my brain. To make matter's worse, at my age......when we get this verbal three ring circus started, I usually forget what I was going to say or names or references to people, places, or things. I use these words frequently; thing-a-ma-bob; you-know-who, thingy thing, you know what I'm talking about, that thing.....you know, whatcha-macallit, skippity skap.

Another one to Spoil

This week I will become a Great Aunt Sue. He is eight pounds unborn and is making his way into the world as I type. Gage lives in Arkansas and has already been diagnosed with spinabifida. His mommy is in labor as we speak. He will need surgery soon after he gets here, so please keep on lifting him up. Baby's are so sweet and wrinkly. I love to turn their little feet over and look at their toes from the bottoms of their feet. They look like tiny English peas. My firstborne was in intensive care for 15 days after surviving a stroke in my tummy. This tough little cookie has almost no effects from cerebral palsy physically and poor thing has a 4.5 average in high school. God is good.

The One-Armed Man

Today is my dad's birthday. He is now 85. Fifteen years away from 100. He was born in the hills of Arkansas and you will not meet a finer man. He survived World War II and came home with a bronze star and purple hearts. One night at in Memphis at International Harvester he lost his right hand in a machine accident. He had so much to overcome physically and emotionally, but with help a few good folks, he made it back to work. When I was faced with my disfigured body loosing both breasts after a double mastectomy I knew he understood me. He knew that feeling of loss and grief. I still partner with him in my heart everyday. I called him this morning to say happy birthday and he was there to answer the phone. That's all that matters. Everyone loves my daddy, but if you are speaking about him, he is usually referred to as the one-armed man. That means something, but that's not what sets him apart.

When surgeons are your friend

A sweet friend of mine is having surgery on Monday due to a breast cancer diagnosis. When you get right down to it, their hands are literally in the cookie jar. How much sleep did they get last night? Are they grouchy, flirting with the nurses, exactly sure of what will be their next move, thinking of some problems of their own.....? They are skilled, gifted, enlightened people. They go places and take risks with the confidence that their education, experience, steady hands, and last minute decisions will be successful. I have prayed for doctors before. I have prayed for surgeons before. I have had a surgeon place his face upon my breast holding both of my hands and pray to God that his hands would be guided by the one who created me. My daughter is thinking of being a pediatric surgeon. Please pray for a surgeon on August 27 and a lady named Patsy.

SOMETIMES IT TAKES TWO

I was determined that my children would be "back to school ready". Jeans now a days just don't cover all the bases (or base lines if you know what I mean). Someone smart in the fashion industry decided to bring back longer smock style shirts that cover those bare backs and belly buttons of most teenage girls. Some GENIUS in the Desoto County School system decided that if the shirts were more than 5" below the waist line, it was to be considered against dress code. Why, you may ask? Well of course..........Finally we don't have to look at tanned tummies, belly rings, back dimples and the Plumber Syndrome...........These folks are afraid that someone might be packing heat under that coverage. Let's weight this.....decency or harrassment. Sure, I know a kid could actually do that, bring a weapon, cover a pregnant belly, or hide a six pack of Bud Light under there, but get real. At the very least let me know this dress code change before I commit unthinkable acts against my husband's credit card. We are not happy campers. Just when you think someone has some sense...............I guess I'm going to have to start patting down my kids before I let them get in the car with me in the afternoon. I feel that this is another attempt to force uniforms on the kids. Do you really think this tactic will keep our kids safe? Maybe streaking wasn't such a bad idea......but then they would probably insist on cavity checks.

I FELT A COOL BREEZE TODAY

Good mornin'. Taking the kids to school, I sensed something different. My hair was moving, a branch from a bush brushed over my head. I let Della (my pooch) go with us in the car. She hung her little head out the window and felt it too. Perfection. The AC was not on. That unnerving, but necessary whirrrrrrrrrrrr was silent. My son practices in full pads this afternoon. I hope for this wonderful "cold front" to continue. You can actually breath this stuff. It goes right up your nose without sending out that alarm to your brain that says, "It's hot, I can't breath, my nose is stopped up, I can barely move". Yes, love a good summer day, but.....an in-between season day is awesome and motivating.

IF YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING NICE ........

Well, won't have much to say. Here are some nice things I can think of:

1. Mike Miller (He plays for Memphis Grizzlies)
2. Lyle Lovette (Favorite Singer who is Ugly Hot)
3. My children are beautiful.
4. It's almost bedtime.
5. We got some rain today.
6'. God is good.
7. My Blog is fabulous and doesn't cause face to face confrontation.

GETTING PAST THE DREAD OF THE SHOWER

Well, here I sit.....sleepy in my eyes, half chewed ritz nab in my cheek waiting to be swallowed and typing. I know a shower will open my day to new possibilities and give me my groove back. Still......do I have to? If I complete this mission, I will have no excuse not to go to the grocer. Thinking maybe.......nap? Better not get comfortable. That's it. Cracker has been chewed and swallowed. Shower time. I already know I'm going to sit down in it. As they say....get 'er done. In approximately 50 minutes, I will be clean and fresh (at least physically).

TOTALLY MEZMERISED BY ELVIS YOU KNOW

Okay. Today I did not let Della (pooch) go with me to get in car pool line. She punished me by ripping up some kleenex. It's Elvis Death Day. Last night I got on a chat page with some koo koo people. They were arguing about his life/death/toilet habits/religion/drug use. Did you know you can actually send someone a sheep sound or one that sounds like a guy hitting you? I was hysterical. In honor of Elvis the Pelvis, I must have a moment of silence.shhhhhhhhhhh.okay.shhhhhhhhhhhh, again because I know you really didn't do the first one. I don't know how much sleep I got last night because I was afraid I would miss something. Remember......I have no life.

Good news. I missed the goal post completely and drove in unextreme road rage. As a matter of fact it was kind of sickly polite driver syndrome. See you later.

Leaning Tower of Basketball

1. Third day to take the kids to school. My dog, Della, (9" nails) jumped across my lap and left two gaping wounds in my cellulite. My son fell into the car and totally flattened his lunch. Yelling, screaming, barking...........Wham.....I slammed into the basketball goal for about the third time. This time it left a dent in my 1996 Ford Taurus (The Bullet). Whip lashed and choking to hold back a totally inappropriate word, I stayed parked on that goal post. Should I just keep pushing until it falls over. Maybe later I will try to reposition my car and strike it from another angle and try to straighten it up......or push it down.

Housewife Napping

Napping as a housewife is a VERY GUILTY INDULGENCE. Dropped the kids off and thought I might catch on the morning news. Oops! Two hours later. Decided to eat, take my pills, drink a Dr. Pepper, make normal round of calls and turn this messy house into a place. That's my job. I guess I'm late for work.

Then, I remembered........I have a blog. I'm a author now. I must not ignore the creative genius inside of me. I'm also eating peanuts. Need to go now. I don't care if anyone ever checks this or answers any of my questions. I am woman and I have a blog. Empowerment comes in many forms.

First Day

Wierd.........This is definitely not normal (at least for a blogger). It was so mentally exhausting trying to set this up so toodaloo. First day of school for children. I chose to expand my technological knowledge. I'm like that.......you know.....curious.