SPEAK ONLY WHEN SPOKEN TO

I'm currently on verbal communication restriction. This is like one of those "use your vacation or else" kind of gesture. My best friend who avoids my lengthy Q&A sessions to make a doctor's appointment, or answer natures call just experienced her first one-way conversation with me. I was forced to listen under protest and was unable to deny her request to update this blog due to my "Silence of The Hams" syndrome. Just to get a better feel for her, this same friend was just asked by her Fortune 500 company to go ahead and get in those vacation days. To my shock and horror she actually consulted "The Moron's Guide to Over-Achievement" (her calendar). In future blogs I think I will refer to mine as "The ADD Drug Free Helper" (ADDDFH). "Friend" wanted to be sure that she spent all that free time with her offspring. Not exactly a vacation, but whatever pulls the trigger. Staying on topic, I predict that after said holiday, she will be calling and imposing a different kind of "barrier laryingitis" on me to describe those precious moments with the kids.

Seriously, spring has sprung and has wedged a golf ball sized pollen choking hazard down my throat. First the runny nose, the itchy throat, the water retention (Oh, that's PMS), the drowsiness and finally the laryngitis. One day your the laugh of the party and the next you can't even make a noise when you burp.

It occurred to me that this might be one of those messages from The Big Man Upstairs. It would not be a total overstatement to interrupt me to say that I talk too much. I've got complete unheard orations on subjects that have absolutely no relevance to a "conversation". I often find myself in an hour-long chat with a telemarketer who accidently dialed my number. Don't knock it- you can meet real nice people that way. I LOVE hearing myself talk and I ASSUME that you love it too. It's kind of like that song by Toby Keith when he sings "You". If you haven't heard the song-- shut up and go listen to it. Of course, when I get my voice back, I'd be glad to sing it to you. Remember, I'm a talker. I'm suspicious that a few times a year God toggles my Run Mouth Switch to the "OFF" position. I can roll with that. I'm a big girl. A big quiet, lonely dry-mouthed girl. The last twenty-four hours has given me a chance to be introspective and bummed out. I'm not quite so interesting with my mouth shut. My body language skills have wasted away whilst I was flapping my lips. I can't point without shouting "Look where I'm pointing, it's over there". I can't express a need to a family member without whispering. For those of you who have been afflicted with laryngitis, you know what the whisper gets you. Here are your two responses: 1) Nothing, nada, zippo, 2) a whispered back "why are you whispering?", and finally 3) a total invasion of personal space with a nose to nose attempt to hear you better through your nostrils). Don't even get me started about answering the telephone. There may have to be a series on this topic. You'll be alerted with a life-guard whistle if I need you. With no voice I am still able to talk to the One who really listens. You don't need sound-waves to get through to Heaven. Case closed. Let the healing begin.