Don't Screw This Up For Me

Just when I thought I was forgettable, worthy of being thrown on that family scrap heap with weird uncles, the Aunt with cats, and the courting cousins, someone screws it up. There is a secret event that occurs in families all over the world. Not to get all up in your kool-aide, but you have already signed up by having any relatives or friends who count as family. I'm loaded with 'em. If the idea of the word "contest" gets you feeling froggy -- don't even think about it. There is only one deserving person and I am she, it, her....? It's Mine! THE WORST MEMBER OF THE FAMILY award is mine for the taking. I'm already on the backstretch and I don't need anyone slowing me down. My work is done. I'm on coast......... Whee! I can look in my rear view and you are all there. Yes, your trying, but you ain't got the stuff. It takes one tough cookie to get here and your a little squishy. I've got it in the bag. My names already engraved on the trophy. Wonder what beverage refreshment comes with this title? Anyway....I digress.


Any well trained racer knows that you have to be every watchful of speed bumps, gum on the side walk, kittens and stuff like that. I am dodging, spinning and ducking my way forward, but somehow I am T-Boned.

What can scew me up you might ask yourself? Remember the Aunt I mentioned with the cats? Yes, I really have one except that her cat is no longer with us. Remember her...........she's very much a part of this contest and can't be ignored.

I'm refining my strategy. Pulling on the shirt tails of others in front of me and heaving myself to the front I have given an insensitive reply to a mother who counts on my advice. (Scarey, huh)! I have responded to E-Mail during self-initiated question/answer time with my mom More importantly, I have forwarded those horrible E-Mails that say "Gutwrenching, Horrible and Totally Unnecessary" to all of my friends and family.


Enter the Aunt. Although she is not actually competing against me, her keen ability to cause a spin out is real and is no laughing matter. She has somehow managed to encroach on my position and is making an attempt to cut my lead by more than a comfortable margin. Warning. Her secret weapon comes in the form of an average, non descript E-Mail.

As I opened this "E-Card" I realized my mistake too late. It says "Fly Away, but not too far from me". Yipes! I know a true champion of the aforementioned reward should have just hit delete or forward to "LIST" I'm falling for it. From out of nowhere comes a cartoon picture of brightly colored paints. I reluctantly clicked on one vile as requested. The little paint droppers, one by one, unscrew their little tops and drift over to a little blank card. Little.......but HUGE. Here's where I lost concentration. First pink, then blue, purple and finally black a simple butterfly is assembled inside your card. As soon as you cock you head to one side to admire it --- it flys away. I watched it go and forgot all about the contest. My sister had lifted my spirits ever so slightly so that I could no longer focus on that checkered flag.

I'm sure I'll be back in the game by morning, but that little reprive was actually pretty restful and reassuring. Leave it to the cat lady....as clevor as every. Still on her toes, she does not seem to be breaking a sweat because she's not in the race as I said. She's standing on the side lines holding that little dixie cup full of water and as I run hysterically by, she give it to me. It's gonna be a little harder to get that second wind.